Wow...I need to go get a pedicure before tonight's big show, but I wanted to post a bit before I do. My most favorite guys in Atlanta are celebrating the release of their new CD tonight and little ol' me is selling merch for them. I've organized t-shirts, rolled them in tape and marked them, and loaded them into a big rolling suitcase. Of course, I won't be able to carry said suitcase, but my plan is to find a hot guy that I'd like to have my way with and then let on with the poor damsel in distress bit. He'll carry the suitcase upstairs to my post, be mesmerized by me, and not be able to take his eyes off of me all night. Or at least just carry the fuckin' suitcase upstairs, lol.
Let's see...I've had a couple of boyfriends since I was last here. The first I dated for a few months. He was nice enough, but I didn't feel that amazing love for. We started arguing about stupid things like the fact that I got drunk one night and he drove me home, but was pissed that, in his opinion, I'd not acted responsibly. I also argued that as the guy courting me, he should drive most of the time on our dates. He disagreed and I found myself having to drive more and more. For Christmas, he said he was going to give me a great Christmas present that I'd love. A few days after Christmas, he came over and sat in front of the tree as I gave him his gifts. After he opened my well thought out gifts, he said, "Well, I bought the chips and cheese dip that we had the other night..." referring to a 3am run to Kroger after we'd made out for a while. Seriously. We broke up a few days later when he got mad that I got drunk on New Year's Eve. My friends nicknamed him "chips and dip", lol.
Then enter Michael. He was my most recent boyfriend.He was about a year older than me and was a professional wrestler wannabe.(no, really...he was going to school for it and worked indie shows) He brought me so much heartache and pain that I'm just starting to get over him. We dated for about 3 1/2 months, but we got extremely close, extremely fast. We'd even used the 'L' word and talked about kids. We joked about our daughter. Since Michael was of hispanic heritage, we said that our future daughter needed a good traditional hispanic name. We decided Anna Maria Christina Louisa Theresa. We'd joked and said that we'd name our son after my southern heritage. We selected Bob. ;o) Things were passionate and emotional with us. I loved the way he made me feel. He told me all the things that I needed and wanted to hear. Soon though, I got suspicious of certain behavior. He'd not answer his phone...not call when he'd say he would. He would change his story around about things he'd previously said. Everything started to seem so fabricated. I didn't know what to believe anymore. One day as we were sitting at his place (he lived in an extended stay hotel) and I kicked the comforter out of the way so I could sit down on the bed. (the comforter was already half off the bed) On the floor under the blanket was a pair of girl's white panties. Oh...and they weren't mine! Over the next week and a half or so, I found girl's socks (again...NOT mine!)...an additional toothbrush in the bathroom...and mint chocolate chip body scrub. He tried to explain the last one by saying that it was his. I calmly told him that unless he was gay or a woman, I didn't think a man would want to smell like that. Throw in a suspicious email from a girl who said she'd been his girlfriend for the last 5 months and it was all way more than I could take. I finally told him that I couldn't see him anymore...that my heart was breaking and I couldn't continue to put myself thru that. Instead of trying to make me see that he was innocent or truly loved me, he waved the white flag and basically said, "k...see ya bye!" Anyway, I finally got to express my anger just the other day when I called him and said, "Look...I'm not saying this to try to get back together. I don't want to hear your explanations or excuses. Just listen." I proceeded to tell him that the hurt and betrayal I felt were monumental and that I was having a hard time moving on because I didn't think he fully understood the depth of pain that he caused. In the end, it may not make a bit of difference to him, but to me, I got to say things that needed to be said.
I'm trying to just go with the flow and not fixate on any one guy. To actually look around and see what's out there. As I told Michael in closing, I know what kind of woman I am and I know the type of man that I deserve. I just have to have faith that I'll find him...or that he finds me.
I'm off...it's gotten late and I need to go get ready to rock!! Y'all be good...